{ direction or denial }

When I pray, I pray for Tim. That he would be growing, learning, becoming a better man.

That this would strengthen his faith, and make him more of a man after God's heart.

I cry out to God to release him.  To let him go, and to accept this.  Move on.

And every.single.time.I.pray I always end up with the same feeling:

that Tim and I will work out.  That it will happen, but the timing isn't right.  That God is working in both of our lives- changing us, making us stronger in Him, stronger as individuals.  Ready to be more compatible together.  Ready to do life, together.

And it brings me such a peace.  A deep down, content feeling.   A peace.  

But not a giddy, girlish, denial type of feeling.  But a genuine peace.  A peace that feels from the Lord.

But is it?  Or is it denial.  Denial, self protection.  A way for me to block out reality.  

But if so, will I ever be able to trust my feelings?  This peace that I think I have from the Lord?

I don't even know anymore.  And that's how I end each day.