{ what if }

What if he comes back.

What if he is really working through things, and wants to try again.

What if I get a text from him.

What if the feelings I still have don't go away.

What if the Lord is drawing him closer to Himself.

What if he is missing me.

What if this trial will make us both stronger.

What if.

These thoughts.  These are the thoughts that fill almost every waking moment.  

I'm tired of feeling them.  Hearing them.  Being weighed down with them.

But they're here.  And they're real.

And they make everything that much harder.

I just want them to be right.  I want them to be real.  I want them to mean something.

I just want to do life with my best friend again.

But Thy will be done.  Not mine.