{ anniversary }

It would have been a year of being together.

September 1st, 2017 we went on our first date.  

That's where I'm siting now, writing this.  Flooded with a million memories.

Slowly, things aren't quite as painful.  But the ache is still there, honestly.

I still think about him all the time.  

He's still the first person I want to tell any news to.  The first person I go to text when I'm sad.  The first person I want to hold my hand when I'm stressed.  The person I want to laugh with.  Do life with.

I miss his smile.  The way he'd sigh with content before we'd watch a movie.  His eye roll when I wouldn't agree with him on something-which wasn't often.  The way he'd listen to all my rambles- no matter how crazy they were.  The way he'd pull me into his arms after I had a stressful day.  I miss when we would eat out while he was in inform- seeing how many people came up and thanked him for his hard work, and being so proud to call him "my' LEO.  Learning all about police life, and praying every night he'd make it home.  Smiling when I read his, "Good morning" texts at 3:15 in the afternoon.  I miss buying Reese's candy, 'cause that's his favorite.

There's a million little things I miss.  And there's a million different things I wish I could tell him.  

I want to tell him about me going back to school.  How I got a second job.  I want to tell him all about my car.  I want to share my dreams with him.

But when it all boils down, I just want to be with him.

And I didn't realize how much until now.

But I can't tell him anything.

And that's where I'm at.